Put on your insight caps and join me below.
My neighbor’s cutting his grass right now. It just rained. What is he thinking?
Popsicles. You never see them anymore. What’s happened to our country?
And when’s the last time you saw a kid with a lemonade stand? I suppose they’re all too busy with their YouBooks and their FaceTubes and whatnot.
Orange cauliflower? Who thought that was a good idea?
I drive a tan sedan needlessly slowly at all times. But I’m still alive. Think about it.
Guinea pigs? Iguanas? Snakes? Whatever happened to dogs and maybe cats? And we
used to feed them table scraps. And they were happy. And they had names like Fido and Rover, maybe Sam.
America? You bet, mister.
I still call them “stewardesses.” Deal with it.
Stay tuned for Part 2: I HAVE ADDITIONAL THINGS TO SAY, Part 3: EVEN MORE THINGS I HAVE TO SAY, Part 4: STUFF I FORGOT TO SAY THE FIRST FEW TIMES, and Part 5: THE BEST OF “I HAVE THINGS TO SAY” (WHAT? YOU THINK I’M A MACHINE?).
Thanks for reading.